oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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