My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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