youre lurking in front of me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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