Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
