Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
