I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
