She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
