if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
