Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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