I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
