Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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