I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
