So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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