I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I will pee on everything he values.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
