Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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