The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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