Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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