Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
