im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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