i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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