so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
