somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
