Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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