you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
