So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
