OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
