I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
