I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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