alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
