There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
