If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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