if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
