you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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