Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
