remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
