Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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