I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
