So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
