Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
