i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
