does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
