Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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