we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
