Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
