I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
