I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
