"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
last night I used snow as a chaser
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