i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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