I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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