I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
