I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I will be naked everywhere
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
