got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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