my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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