Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
