singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
