Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
