Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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