Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
