so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
